New Year, New You? If You Want to Have a Better Marriage or More Fulfilling Life, Do This (Ep. 39)

Justin Sisemore  00:00

So New year, new me. We are here today with Mary Maloney and Andrea, and we’re going to go through exactly what these new year’s resolutions are supposed to be. Maybe, are we going to keep them? Maybe, are we just going to be a good human in other ways? Are we going to set out realistic expectations? Are we going to be able to achieve them? I wanted to do a spring launch where we do an accountability. We’re going to bring on guests and have conversations about all areas. This is a holistic approach. This is a way we’re going to attack all things that we’re trying to do, and it doesn’t start and end on January 1 and January 15. What’d you call that? Andrea, like quit day.

Andrea Jones  00:40

Quit Saturday.

Justin Sisemore  00:41

So let’s just rip it. Go ahead, Mary.

Mary Maloney  00:43

All right, so every year you at the law firm, you get a lot of phone calls at the beginning of the year because people have had a tough, tough time with their family and their marriage and stuff like that. And in tandem with that, it’s the new year, right? So they’re going to try to make changes and maybe make a resolution to make their marriage better, or then maybe they’re going to make a resolution. Gonna make a resolution to make their life better. They’re gonna lose weight or whatever else. But by the time this podcast actually airs, a lot of people will have given up on those resolutions.

Justin Sisemore  01:12

No,

Mary Maloney  01:12

I think it’s true. We know no for a fact, actually. And so why do people do you think fail to keep those resolutions? What have you seen and experienced?

Justin Sisemore  01:22

I think, you know, I think some of this stuff is pretty obvious to people, but one of the problems that we see in any area of life is you set these expectations that are so far out and they’re so unrealistic that you feel that sense of failure very quickly. So when we talk about New year, new me, you know, if your goal is to lose 50 pounds, and you first don’t even have running shoes, you don’t have a gym, and you’re starting to get overwhelmed and over consumed by all of the things that you think you have to do to get somewhere. The reality is, you know, we’ve talked about just taking a step one day at a time, 24 hour segments, shortening it, if you’re that person that gets a lot of anxiety and that transcends into business, it transcends into, you know, what we do for a living and all that. But I think the biggest piece Mary is like, you know, let’s just set one little goal. Let’s not make it a day, a week, a month thing where we just go, Okay, on January 1 I must stop doing this for the entire year, and that first time I fail, oh my gosh, I’m back into that pigeon hole again. And that’s where the Quit factor, the give up factor, happens. I’m assuming which is what you call it, Andrea, like the 15th, or whatever. Would you call it

Andrea Jones  02:34

quit second Saturday of

Justin Sisemore  02:35

the second set. That’s like a real thing. The second Saturday of January is,

Andrea Jones  02:38

like most people,

Justin Sisemore  02:39

they call it what is

Andrea Jones  02:40

quit Saturday or something.

Justin Sisemore  02:41

Quit Saturday. Well, I mean, I don’t know why you have to start on January 1. And if you didn’t start on January 1, why you have to say, Well, I’m just gonna wait till next year to do this. And I think that’s, I think that’s what happens with people, especially in my business, a lot they they compartmentalize themselves so much to if they don’t hit this exact goal on this exact day, it’s too late. And so let me push it off to this mindset of the next new year. And I think that’s what happens to people,

Andrea Jones  03:09

and why even the New Year? I mean, I and why even the New Year? I mean, I always think like, you should exercise, or think about exercising and losing weight, or whatever, eating healthy the entire year. So people say, Oh, I’m going to go through the holiday season and eat like a pig, and then on January 1 and drink like a crazy person. And then January 1, I start you make that decision. You can make that decision in December, and then just be a little more moderate through the holidays, and it’s not going to be such a big thing. And I think most people, when they set goals, what they’re missing is the why, in my opinion, because if you have a big enough Why, it’s going to work if I want to lose weight because I don’t like myself, or lose weight because I have knee problems, whatever the reason might be, if my why is big enough, I’m not going to quit. But if it’s a bright, shiny object and I just want to do it because everybody does it, or somebody told me to do it, I’m going to give up. I think the why is the biggest thing for me.

Justin Sisemore  03:57

Yeah, you know what we’re looking at too in the spring is the accountability. One of the things that I’ve noticed about myself and in business, and, you know, just in personal life, is that if you don’t have accountability and you don’t have a way to measure it, one thing I do that’s really simple is like, there’s times a year where I don’t care how much money I’ve made or how many friends I’ve made, or how many trips I’ve been on, I have these mood swings like, and I’ve started to kind of study what that looks like, and I’ve started to calendar it. And I’m not saying that this is the right way to do it, but, but it’s the way I do it. And the reason I do it is because there’s like times a year, summertime, for example. And I’ll just start with now, going into the new year, I always feel really re inspired come January 1, and that’s why, you know, I do the dry January or sober January ish thing, and

Andrea Jones  04:48

I know the

Justin Sisemore  04:48

ish ish

Andrea Jones  04:50

drink a little bit,

Justin Sisemore  04:51

no, no, no, no. But I mean, for real, like I really try to put a hard reset, because I know what’s going to come at me in January. And, and a lot of, you know, a lot of people are relying on on me and my businesses, and our team is relying on, you know, me to be my best. And that goes in waves. You know, if you are the type that you’re going to go to the gym and you’re just going to rip through a bunch of workouts, and you go so hard, you’re going to get injured, most likely, right? So moderation, obviously, is the goal, but But going back to the accountability, what I really try and what I’m really trying to focus on, because I talk a lot about process, is getting a process for me as an individual. And one of the ways I do that in a given week as I structure my week out on the calendar, and I also put my moods down, right? So if during the springtime I’m feeling really uplifted, and during, you know, this time, I’m really business focused, I’m starting to learn about myself, that it’s there’s seasons to life and it’s okay to go all right. Well, summertime is here. I stored up a bunch of nuts, like the squirrel, and now I get to eat and run around and fro like, that’s okay. Like, we don’t have to put all this pressure on ourselves. So I don’t know,

Mary Maloney  06:04

okay, well, hey, I just want to talk about the dry January thing a little bit, because we, you and I both said that we’re going to do that. And, you know,

Justin Sisemore  06:12

you look good, by the way.

Mary Maloney  06:13

Well, thank you very close to makeup, but I mean, I think I overindulged, well, I know, overindulged over the holidays. So that’s why I’m doing dry January. I think we can dovetail that into resolutions a little bit. We were talking the other day how, you know, certainly it’s great to do that for a month, but do you need to, like, backpedal, back to those bad habits, even if it was getting really kind of crazy during the holidays, which it does for a lot of people, but it’s like, maybe it’s time to reassess your life and think of a long term situation and, well, maybe you are going to have a couple drinks, but you’re not going to go back, you know, kind of coming up with a plan to whether it’s whether it’s getting healthy, like eating wise or drinking wise or whatever. I mean, I’m sure you guys both have thoughts on that,

Justin Sisemore  07:01

yeah, and I want to touch on that, because, you know, one of the things that I’m looking at with respect to dry January, and I know that there’s people out there that are really true experts on this issue, and the purpose for for me personally, is to say, All right, I’ve got a reset button, and Now I can start to evaluate what really was productive throughout the last year. And so when you say, go back like I don’t want people in our circles and clients and whatnot to look at their whole life and go five years backwards and five years forwards with custody or visitation and access or whatever is going on. Because I think you I think if you broaden that lens too much, you start to create those unrealistic expectations. So for me, what I started to do this year, for example, is I do the first Tuesday of the month, we have our business meetings, right? Well, I know that we’ve got podcast business meetings and, you know, videos and all this stuff you have to do to just get your business to start to grow, and that happens in the first week. So instead of saying, All right, well, I’m never gonna drink again, right? I’m going to because I’m a social butterfly, I know that I’m going to, right, maybe I say, Well, I can push a hard reset in the first week. But you know, for those guys out there, you know, specifically men, and I’m just speaking from the male dad perspective, like the holidays are stressful as hell. Like we had this year, I think we had 30 or 40 events inside of December and January.

Mary Maloney  08:29

Oh my god, it’s not it’s,

Justin Sisemore  08:31

I don’t even know what’s happened in this world. It’s not even like fun anymore, to a degree. And I think so what happens is, like, you’re like, all right, let me just get up and go through the routine, and I’m just going to do this and do that and, and I know there’s people out there that don’t drink. This is not just about a drinking situation,

Mary Maloney  08:46

but eating, you know, yeah, eating, yeah, just taking care of yourself like we were. You said you were in Germany, and don’t work out like you normally do. I didn’t work out a lot in December because of all those different events and things going on.

Justin Sisemore  08:58

Yeah, it’s a routine. You get off your game, yeah?

Andrea Jones  09:01

But I think that if you do the dry I don’t do the dry January, because I don’t really drink that much anyway, so I don’t, that’s not a big thing for me.  yeah, I do drink. I do drink, but I but I don’t, don’t drink to the level that I feel like I have to do the dry January. But what are you doing? Because I think that was my expression. What are you going to do come February 1? Okay, of course, you’re not going to stop drinking for the rest of the year. But does the January where you don’t drink help you to then be in moderation, or is by April you’re back to the old habits?

Justin Sisemore  09:08

Well, you’re Andrea, Yeah. I mean, I EDIT OUT!!!!!

09:42

Okay.

09:44

quiet. That’s okay. So which question were we it was just, just right here. Just what else is fine. I can fix that. I just want the rest of it. Yeah. So Andrea, I think if you ask your question again, say the question again whenever he.

09:59

About talking. Okay, so,

10:02

okay, cool.

Justin Sisemore  10:04

So my, my my belief about myself and my wife may beg to differ in my friends and you and people who I work with may beg to differ. I try to really listen to I’ve got a pretty good internal compass I feel like and that goes in waves, and the more you can listen to it, because you do the right things and you have a a healthy you know, let’s just be clear, if you don’t drink and you don’t do anything that you don’t eat bad and you don’t and you work out every day, you’re gonna, you’re gonna have an easier go of it, right? You’re gonna be a better client. You’re gonna be a better business person. That’s all fine. And, well, we happen to live in Tarrant County and in Fort Worth I mean, there’s social stuff. We got rodeo coming up. There’s stuff that pulls you 50 different directions. My wife’s 40th birthday is coming up. So if I said, Well, I’m a failure because I didn’t get all the way through January. And now all of a sudden, spot, yeah, the ish, yeah. But now all of a sudden, I go, All right, well, I’m just gonna give up on that, and I’m just gonna go back to as hard as I can. Go, like, what I love about the reset button? And I do it every year, by the way, this is the fourth year I’ve done it. What I love about the reset button is I go, Okay, well, what was it that? What was it that was really giving me a lot of anxiety, and there’s no question, I think we all know, like, especially to the tailing of holidays, little problems start to feel like really big problems when you have that anxiety from sugar withdrawals. I’ve got a buddy that he’s he’s completely sober, been sober for a couple years, and he gave up sugar, and he was like, I was the biggest ass to my wife for that first part. So it’s not, it’s not just booze, it’s not just working out it’s, it’s anything that’s an impediment, and then, and then you can segue into like, yeah,

Andrea Jones  11:44

we’ll talk about the different steps.

11:46

EDIT – But the time wise, we were only at 15 minutes at that point. Yeah. Okay, so we lost like, 20. Will you reset the clock to 15 because we wanted to, we wanted, we want this to be about what 25 to 3025. 30 because we were getting to 30. So when

Andrea Jones  12:04

then we can maybe do the marriage thing. Then, yeah, go more into the marriage. Then we talked about the expectations for the marriage and stuff

Justin Sisemore  12:11

I do, like the buckets piece, though I do,

Andrea Jones  12:13

we can go back to that, yeah, to

12:16

make the changes and then go on.

Justin Sisemore  12:18

So, you know, I think the moral to the story is that it’s not just alcohol. It’s not just working out. I know that we have these like overarching themes when it comes to New Year’s. You know, we talked about sugar, we talked about time with family. Let’s get into some habits and buckets. So Mary, what are your thoughts?  Well,

Mary Maloney  12:37

Well, I mean, I guess what we really want to share with people like you said, is, you know, what can people positive changes people can take to make in their lives to actually achieve change. So I think, Andrea, as you brought up earlier, you have to have your why. So it’s really important to have your why. So it’s we want to definitely self reflect. We’ve talked about how it’s important to self reflect and just figure out what your why really is.

Justin Sisemore  13:08

And I love the I love the why because it gives you, I always say micro and macro, right? But, but the why is the is the macro, and then breaking it down into the micro is what I love to do now. I’m really trying because I’m salesy type. I like, I like to have process now, it’s my new thing, my 2025, sizzle.But, but what I mean by that is, if, if you just said I’m going to spend more time with my family, or I’m going to get in better shape, or I’m going to not drink, right? Those are the macros. Well, your why? Maybe because my kids are not getting along with me, or I’m overweight, or I don’t I’m not good at business, and I haven’t met and networked with people, so just those big overarching themes are really hard to tackle. So I’m I want to break down Mary, just some things that have been helpful for me and Andrea, I need your help to me if we’re going to do this spring cleaning, as we’re going to call it, and we’re going to do this new year’s new new me, I want to personally give people that are like me, that are kind of scatterbrained and squirrel minded a little bit, some buckets. So I’m going to call them the four, okay? And my four are going to be spiritual, family, business and then health, okay, those are my four buckets. And I’m not going to say I’m going to be super spiritual, and I’m going to be the best family man in the world, and I’m going to be the best business guy in the world, and I’m going to be super healthy. That’s not how I’m going to attack those buckets.

Andrea Jones  14:41

Well, nobody should. I think that’s because that’s not really an achievable goal, and it’s not defined enough even. What does that even mean, right? I mean, what does it even mean? The goal is only be attainable if you have it broken down to what that actually means. And I think that’s, that’s the reason why people fail. They say those big goals, but don’t really know what that. Means. I mean, what does it mean I want to get fit. What does it mean for you to get fit? Because it’s different for everybody.

Justin Sisemore  15:05

So if I So, if I’m going to break those buckets down, if I’m going to start with spiritual for me, I do BSF for Bible Study Fellowship on Mondays, I try to, I try to go to church as much as I can on on Sundays, if we miss it, I try to make sure that my kids are there, because it’s just as important for them and our whole family to do that. So so I’m gonna attack that. And the good thing about BSF is it does its own bucket thing too. So it makes you look at the Bible in five to seven minutes a day, right? You can’t read the Bible, and nobody can and get through the whole thing and just go, oh man, I understand or absorb. So they break it down into buckets. So spiritual, that’s my bucket for me, whatever your religion is, this is not a religious podcast. This is about being spiritual. If it’s meditation mindset, you’re going to spend five minutes a day that’s bucket one, and you’re going to have one to two action items under each bucket

Andrea Jones  15:58

each day,  Put it on the calendar.

Justin Sisemore  15:59

yeah, and if we can make that commitment. Because, you know, like during January, for example, with workout, I’ve worked out every single day from January 1, and I’ll go all the way through January, no breaks, right? Because I’m trying to get rid of all the crap that I did to myself through December. Now, that’s, that’s extreme mode, but that’s, that’s my that’s how much so bucket one is that, get that, get the spiritual and just attack it. One, once per day. Bucket two, family. Okay, what does that mean? I know that I need to go on dates as my wife, not with all my buddies and all our friends. That’s what we all do in Fort Worth, right? We just all go roll out together as dates, group dates. My wife loves that. I talk to her so much. So let’s, let’s say, all right, maybe it’s once a month, if you haven’t done it at all, okay? And well, my wife didn’t even like me. She didn’t want to go anywhere with me. I don’t have any money. I these things can creep in your head. Get that crap out of your head. So let’s take it to one date. If you haven’t had any once per month.

Andrea Jones  16:01

put it on the calendar because you have to those goals are the goal and then the little steps, if you do not plan it and make it as a situational achievement, meaning I’m going to go on dates when I have time, when I’m not busy with work, when I’m not at events, is never going to happen, because there’s always a reason not to do it. So if you put it on the calendar and the spiritual first, and then your family and your kids, and I think the same thing with your kids. What are you you do have goals where you with your wife, and goals where kids put that on a calendar and make them non negotiable. They are non negotiable. If you have whatever, the first Wednesday of the month you go on a date with your wife, it’s non negotiable. No business meetings are planned. Nobody can wear you off. There’s no golf. There’s no nothing, and she is set on that date. Otherwise you’re going to get derailed. I think that’s the biggest thing. What is that? This the guy who did the calendar, I don’t know, forgot, like many years ago, I learned that, and it really helped me too, is there’s non negotiable things on my calendar that I’m not going to be steered off and because if you let other people from the outside steer you off again, you’re going to fail well.

Justin Sisemore  16:01

Yes,  And as a dude like, you know, if you haven’t gone on a date with your wife, and you know that the last time y’all went to dinner, you sat there and you spent a bunch of money, and she’s on her phone, and you know, you’re just like, I know what this is going to be. You’re going to let those things creep into your head.

Andrea Jones  18:13

But then again, it is set another goal, I think, another expectation. Because if I have the goal, the goal is to have dates on my wife. Then again, the mini steps. What does that look like? It look like? It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. You can go on and walk with your wife. I mean, this doesn’t have to be or your husband, whatever

Justin Sisemore  18:27

well. And maybe she’s on her phone because you’re boring.

Andrea Jones  18:28

What is there’s no phone no but there’s no phone alone. They make yourself a list you want to talk about. And again, as, I think, as as couples with kids, the word I’ve heard so many times, when the kids are out the house, you have nothing to talk about anymore, because any date you went on you talked about the kids, when the kids are gone, that topic is gone. So I think it has to be a focus. If you go on a date, we’re not going to talk about business and we’re not going to talk about the kids.

Justin Sisemore  18:49

And if you, if you do that date this month, let’s make this commitment. If you do that date this month, and you go wherever you go to eat, you can go flashy, fancy, you can go to Taco Bell, or whatever it is. I don’t give a damn.

Andrea Jones  19:00

Go to the movies there. You don’t have to talk.

Justin Sisemore  19:02

But the point, no, the point, that’s what I was gonna get to next, is that if you go and eat and the eating is boring and there’s no conversation, set your next goal to be something that’s active, right? So keep tricking your brain. And that’s just the family bucket. And let’s just anybody can do that one time. Now I’m going to set out more,

Andrea Jones  19:22

but I’m worried for your marriage. If you really have nothing to say to each other

Justin Sisemore  19:27

Leave me alone,

Andrea Jones  19:29

I agree, because, again, those dates are important in any marriage. It’s important to go in any relationship, not even marriage. It’s important to spend one on one time together, and you can make a plan if you don’t know what to talk to each other, because you talked only about business, and you guys, especially because you have businesses together, because a lot of conversations you guys have is probably about business and about the three kids

Justin Sisemore  19:49

Love talking money with my wife normally.

Andrea Jones  19:51

But if you, if you take those two topics off the table and you gotta talk about other things, then, then, then you’re gonna start the conversation again. Make yourself a list. If you don’t know what to talk about, make his. Have a list of topics or asking questions. It’s always you, and you in charge. If you ask questions, ask her stuff.

Justin Sisemore  20:06

Dads with kids. I’ve got three girls, nine, seven and four. I don’t know what the hell to do with them.

Andrea Jones  20:13

Like I activities, I know, but like you say, dads go on dates, meetings, go, go, take them, whatever. Painting. They’re just painting. Yeah, whatever. Go to the No, it doesn’t matter for them. It’s not what you do for them. It’s not what you do. It’s that the time that you spend with them, the quality time, yeah, like when they’re older, you can go on to dinner and have a conversation with the little guys. They’re not going to have a long, drawn out conversation, so you got to do an activity. They don’t care

Justin Sisemore  20:37

I want to go buck hunting or what ever dude do with their boys

Andrea Jones  20:40

but they might be one later. But like with a little girl, you go to go to those places where they have tea parties and just sit there and they’re just going to be excited that you’re there with them. They don’t care about the activity. So just the end. But I think the quality time, especially having raised so many kids, the individual time,

Justin Sisemore  20:55

how many kids you raise

Andrea Jones  20:56

six, the individual the individual time you spend with each kid is so meaningful, it doesn’t matter what you do, it’s that they have the focus, mama or daddy is focused on me, and there’s not five other ones, or three other ones, two other ones. It’s just the time that I think that’s important

Justin Sisemore  21:12

well, in that bucket, the obligation, or the feeling that it’s an obligation, goes away if you plan for me, like if I have, if I know, I’ve set out time, and I don’t have 30 interruptions when I’m with my kids, and I’m being a little bit sarcastic when I say I don’t know what to do. There are things that I really enjoy. Like, I would love to go play golf with my daughters. They would be bored out of their minds in about two minutes. And so then I automatically go into shutdown mode as a dude, I’m like, you don’t let golf Well, why not? You know. So I But

Andrea Jones  21:40

ask them what they want to do, because they’re going to tell you. Because to tell you. And if it’s on the calendar, like, whatever daddy is, whatever once a month is just me, but daddy, let them come up with the plan. It might be totally stupid, playing like, Oh my God, but this doesn’t matter, because they planned it and they like it, and it doesn’t have to be five hours, because that’s going to be horrible, like you most likely know, and then have much time with a seven year old. But if you say we have an hour, let me know that hour by itself is meaningful.

Justin Sisemore  22:04

And my wife, she goes, she goes on work trips every once in a while, and when she does, like, it’s true one on one time. And I do set that out with them. I’m like, Hey, we have a date night, Daddy date night. And they, they come up with really creative stuff. So if you’re like, struggling with, like, how to do that with your daughters or son, just like you said, ask them. It just, you know, for for guys, sometimes we just get kind of forestto miss the trees situation, so they will come up with creative ideas. And that’s very helpful. So that’s, that’s family bucket. So we’ve knocked out spiritual, knocked out family. Let’s go now to the, let’s call it the business bucket. This, this bucket, I think is is probably the easiest to set attainable goals, and it’s the easiest to get frustrated, and it’s also the easiest to have the accountability matrix. And let me, let me break that down really quickly. So goals in business were measured, usually by finance. Did we make money? Did we spend less

Andrea Jones  23:00

if you have a business? I think business has to be business forward, slash job, because everybody has a business, that’s right.

Justin Sisemore  23:07

And let me be clear there, there are so many pros and cons to owning your own business. And I think that in the internet age, we all feel like we should go drive the boats and the cars and all the crap we see. I have been a part of that life for a while, and I don’t know anybody that’s gets to the highest levels that is appears super happy. And part of it is because, in my mindset, they don’t have this holistic approach. They don’t have four buckets. They have one bucket that they do really, really well, right? And they neglect the other buckets. And so business needs to, in my mind, look at all of the other buckets, and then you will become a more successful business person by being happier in business. So in that business bucket, what are we going to do? Well, my short answer is, if you work for a company, I told my wife this, she tells me this, it’s not sizzle knows all or Justin knows all it is when you’re in sales, for example, and specifically women. And I hate to say this, I’m gonna get two scowls going both directions. When you’re in sales as a woman, you need to know your numbers, okay, if your company, if you go to your company say, I’m not getting paid as much as the guys do, or whatever the situation may be, you need to know your numbers, and you need to have your data. Okay, so that data is your accountability matrix. So if you’ve never done that before and you are, I don’t care if you’re a secretary, a teacher in sales or whatever, whatever the situation, whatever business you’re in, you say, I want to do this. And if I do this, this will make me happy. In this job, you need to set that out your why? You call it, right? Andrea,

Andrea Jones  24:48

yeah.

Justin Sisemore  24:48

So in business, if you will do that, if you’re w2 or you get a k1 i you own your own business. If, if you are in a situation where you. Set out that matrix, and you say, Okay, I’m going to call five more customers this month. I’m going to say, if I hit this number, it is because I have done these five things. You need to write that down, and you need to have your data points, and you need to go back to it.

Mary Maloney  25:15

And I want under business too. It’s like, I know a lot of people that aren’t, they’re just not happy with their jobs, and they’re they want to find a new a new job or a different career, you know. So I think that for them could be that bucket, like maybe the career bucket. So, you know, putting those things under that bucket that are going to help you become more successful in finding that next day or gig, or your dream job or whatever.

Justin Sisemore  25:40

 I love that, that statement, because this is like the dream spouse, and I hear all the time, like, if I just get rid of my wife or husband, my life is going to be so much better. And we talked on our last podcast about passion and all that. And I’m not going to be one of those guys that’s going to sit here and say I’m super passionate about family law or lawyers. Candidly, I think a lot of lawyers annoy the hell out of me. I have spent my whole life trying to figure out whether I’m going to stay being a lawyer, whether I’m not, whether I’m defined as a lawyer. Passion, though, to me, comes from successful baby tasks, small tasks, doing over and over again, getting better at it, and scaling those

Andrea Jones  26:18

and enjoy what you do. I mean, I think that’s the biggest thing. If you really hate what you do, then you got to ask yourself, yeah, then what? What do I enjoy doing? And that’s and then you got to go in that direction. Because I think lot of people are stuck in their job. They hate their job, but they don’t really, as we said earlier, self reflect and figure out, well, what would bring me joy? And are those buckets that we’re talking about? Are they potentially influencing each other? If I’m unhappy with myself because I’m not healthy, does that potentially influence how I show up in my marriage or my family? Does that that has to be clear that each individual bucket is is by itself, because that easily can entertain then this bright, shiny object, I’m going to lose weight, and then I’m going to have a better marriage. Now, most likely not. I mean, it’s maybe, what is it?

Justin Sisemore  26:59

What is it that you hate about your job, and can that change? Because Can you, if you can fix whatever it is you hate about your job in a current environment that you know and you’re familiar with, with people that you care about and that you’ve grown with. I can’t stand when I see these Facebook you know some, especially in law, law is the worst. Like they go and act like they’re Jesus and you know, their their law firm, they’re just they’re running around with puppies all day long, and they’re just having drinks. And all this stuff is fantastic. I can tell you, it ain’t the behind the scenes of what we do is hard as hell. The complaints that come from clients just because they’re having a stressful day is very hard. And being able to wake up in the morning and bury that and just put our game face on is hard. Moving to a different place, specifically in the same industry, is not usually the answer. And so I think, to your point, Mary, like it may be a choice you make, but but you need to know what it is that’s frustrating you if your boss is a prick and you’re not in your business is just like all over the map, and you’re having to do everything and wear all these different hats. Then, yeah, of course, right? But know, why don’t just go well, I feel like I should be, you know, playing golf all day long, and I can’t do it that in

Andrea Jones  28:16

the grass is not always going on the other side.

Justin Sisemore  28:17

You need to happen. So I agree. It’s not.

Mary Maloney  28:20

So your fourth bucket then, is health,

Justin Sisemore  28:22

health, yeah, so fourth bucket health, we, I think we go on this mission together, just like the other ones. For me, it’s going to be knowing that and I set out my week, right? My consults are Monday and Wednesday for a very specific reason, Monday and Wednesday afternoon. That’s it. You can’t talk to me. Other than that, people tell me, I’ll pay you this and I’ll do that. No, not gonna happen. My meetings are the first Tuesday of every month with my team. Why? Because I know that that first Tuesday. First of all, I don’t like a bunch of meetings. It’s a pain in the ass. Second of all, I know that that first meeting, that first Tuesday of the month I have to be on a game. I have to spend Monday getting things ready. I know we’ve got podcasts, and I know we’ve got this other stuff that we have to address, and so I need to be fresh. So my health answer for the bucket is going to be that first week of the month, pushing full reset the way we did on the first which is ridiculous to say we have to do that. But if you don’t make that bucket small enough, that’s a bucket that I have to make smaller for me. So if you don’t make that bucket small enough, it won’t be an attainable goal. So my goal is the first week of the month. Have a clear head, clear conscience going into that week, and then the rest of the month you can kind of, you know, you can kind of go through the motions, but that’s so the health one.

Andrea Jones  29:41

You put it on your schedule like you, you put that,

Justin Sisemore  29:44

that’s all my schedule. And I don’t look, I don’t tend to know the answer, first of all, but my routine, as far as workout that’s been going on for 20 years right now, whoa, I can’t do it then. Bs, I have, I’ve had weeks, months, years. Years where my workouts or whatever crap, right? And then, I mean, I’ll go do a CrossFit or whatever, I’ll switch it up and trick my brain again, just like making your bed, you said earlier, like there was a Navy SEAL that talked about that, yeah, the the tricking of the mind, in my mind, is the best thing you can do. It’s, you know, Andrea, you know, in the gym, like you, if you’re doing the same leg workout,

Andrea Jones  30:20

not going to bring anything for anybody, you need to change it up, and you gonna get tired of doing the same thing. I agree,

Justin Sisemore  30:24

so that. So I don’t need to make the habit to myself to work out. I don’t need to make the habit of myself to go in sauna and to, you know, decompress my day, because that’s become now a part of me, like, that’s just who I am.

Mary Maloney  30:36

Yeah, I mean, you’ve created those habits. There’s a lot of people though, that haven’t. So and I talked about previously on the podcast about when, during COVID, I wanted to, well, I didn’t. It’s hard to get out and do anything, but I wanted to be healthy, and to keep my self fit and healthy as much as I could. I just, I just, my goal was just to work out three times a week, and it didn’t matter what I was doing, 20 minutes of yoga, meditation, whatever, or 40 minutes of cardio or whatever, but just three times a week, and that’s, I think, something that you could put in that bucket that and like you say, you’re going to schedule that so you do it so. But you know, so it’s different for different people. So for people that haven’t created those habits yet, you know, that’s one place where they can start, if they want to, you know, change their eating habits. That’s a different way, depending on what they want to accomplish there. But there’s also certain things that they need to follow their

Andrea Jones  31:31

mental health too. I mean, like mental health mean taking time to the self reflection, meditation, whatever, having time to yourself. That’s that can especially when you’re a mom and you have kids and you have a job, that time is normally, I’m sure your wife can sing a song about that. It’s, it’s hard. We can you have you juggle all those balls, but if you don’t take time for yourself, then you’re gonna lose I remember another mom told me, like, Oh, you’re so you’re so arrogant, or not arrogant, wrong dog, it’s so selfish in taking time for yourself. And I said, What do you mean? Because my kids knew, unless there’s a bone sticking out or they’re bleeding, there are certain times they don’t need to come to mom. There’s food in the fridge, there’s drinks, but there are certain times mom needs to have time to herself, and they saw me whatever, even going out or going to the pool when I was reading the book, they knew mom was reading the book. And unless there’s an emergency, you don’t come to me. And I think that sounds selfish, but it’s not selfish, because if mama breaks down, the whole system breaks down,

Justin Sisemore  32:23

no doubt.

Andrea Jones  32:23

And I think a lot of women don’t, because you are so there’s so much guilt and we need to do and I have a job, and I don’t spend enough time with my kids, but you still, if at the very beginning, you are a woman and a person, and you need time for yourself, and if you don’t take that, you’re going to lose. So I think in a health piece for females especially, I think you need to really take time for yourself, even if it’s 15 minutes a day where you close the bedroom door and just listen to music or whatever, watch trash TV, whatever, whatever you like. But take the time because in the because, if you’re only running for other people and cooking dinner and doing all those things, you’re gonna run yourself into the ground.

Justin Sisemore  32:56

Yeah, and you know my wife, for example, I used to work out in the mornings before work, and I love that, by the way. And my wife is like, Dude, it takes you like, five minutes to get ready. I’m taking this time. And I was like, that’s my time to decompress. And I was like, bury yourself, dude, you can go work out at lunch. We just switched up our routine in our household. And she goes early in the morning, because I know that there’s i If, if if I’ve, I’ve seen my wife do things and move mountains, so I can’t, I don’t pretend for a minute that I understand what it’s like to go pick up kids or arrange all the schedules, get ready, do your hair, do all the stuff. Y’all do all that women’s stuff. But I do understand that it’s very, very challenging. And so if you’re, if you’re a husband or if you’re a father and you’re in a relationship, I think it’s really important get out of your, get out of your wife’s way, or get out of your, your your significant other’s way, so that they can do those things. Because that, that’s what makes me like fly, is when the whole system is working.

Andrea Jones  33:56

And I think and guys, especially if I’ve seen they need that decompression, like, like coming home from because you will work more in buckets. And for us, everything is in one when you go from work and you come home and you need that decompression time to to say, don’t talk to me or go to the bathroom for 15 minutes where you kind of, like,

Justin Sisemore  34:12

leave us alone in the crapper, correct?

Andrea Jones  34:13

But, by the way, but give the woman that time to after you come home from work and you have your time to decompress. And now you go from work mode into into family mode, then give your wife or your partner a chance. And now you take off and I’ll take  the kids, and you do whatever you want to do, whether they go to the gym, go on a walk, give them that time too, because it’s not fair, I think. And we are always servant and we want to help, but they, lot of women, don’t even know that they need that time. And when they then finally go up with their girlfriends, they realized, like, wow, this was actually good for me and fed me and I’m in a better mood.

Mary Maloney  34:46

It’s so important. So I think we’re going to do kind of a speed round after this of the different steps that people can take to improve their lives. But let’s in order to kind of kick start things, because we want to be accountable. Going to talk about spring cleaning your life in a later podcast. Let’s just quickly re encapsulate those four buckets. Let’s put a challenge out there to people. It’s an attainable challenge. And then we would love to hear how people are doing when we revisit this when we get to our spring cleaning podcast, so you want to do a quick rip on those four buckets.

Justin Sisemore  35:24

We got our four buckets. We’ve got our spiritual we’ve got our personal or business, we’ve got our family. Those are our four and health and health, right? That’s like four and a half. I screwed that up, but you caught me on the fly and the thing that I want to reiterate, too is I don’t want this to be about Justin knows all, or Andrea knows all, or Mary knows all. We are all in this together, and I want to bring people in here throughout the course of this to kind of help us go through this journey. Because Why is a divorce lawyer talking to us about how we should live life. I hate divorce. I hate I hate watching people suffer. I love watching people that suffer get out of their own way. And that’s why I do this job. That’s why we’re doing this podcast for however many listeners we have. It’s not like people are just banging down the doors because we’re doing this podcast. This is, this is a journey and a community, and I want us to be a part of it. And, you know, I just want people to really have the tools. And I need the tools. This is my fuel too. Like just talking through this stuff, it’s my fuel. So, yep,

Mary Maloney  36:36

 so, so the message is to our listeners, is that you can do this. Just take those four buckets, put down a couple of different items under each schedule those, and just commit to doing all those different things and stick to it for the next month, and then we’ll reassess and

Justin Sisemore  36:55

one month at a time, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute, whatever you need,

Mary Maloney  36:59

exactly, exactly. So let’s we’re kind of going to do a bit of a speed round here on those different steps that we can take to improve their lives, which will kind of wrap into those buckets we talked about, knowing your why, why you’re doing this, taking time to self reflect. It’s also important to have a plan. So let’s just briefly talk about, you know, putting a plan together in order to move forward.

Justin Sisemore  37:24

Plan, bucket. Why? Why? Shorten the why? And compartmentalize it into a bucket. Then take that bucket and make steps. This is in business. This is in our goals. Is what we’re all doing together. We’re going to take that why? We’re going to take that into a bucket. That’s an attainable bucket. We’re going to make three or four action items, and if you hit that two or three months in a row, let’s add to it. Okay, so I talked about what mine are, Mary, what’s yours? I didn’t even ask you,  um,

Mary Maloney  37:57

um, my buckets,  what’s your family?

Justin Sisemore  38:00

Gee, I wasn’t sure I’m springing on you.

Mary Maloney  38:02

My my family, well, I want to spend more quality time with my family, because, except for my husband, they’re all out of state.

Justin Sisemore  38:12

That’s your why, though, but how

Mary Maloney  38:14

well, the one thing I do now is, is I talk to my mom on the phone every day. So that to me, and that was that was a tough habit, because neither one of us are big talkers, so, but now that she’s in assisted living, um, you know, I my dad told me before he passed, he’s like, call your mother okay, because we’re not real, real talkers and whatever. So I’m like, okay, dad,

Justin Sisemore  38:40

so you’re doing that every day.

Mary Maloney  38:41

So I do, and now I enjoy talking to my mom every day. You know,

Justin Sisemore  38:47

wild, right?

Mary Maloney  38:48

It’s like, it’s not like I didn’t enjoy talking to her before, but it’s like, now we it’s, it comes more naturally, because we do talk to each other every day. So I mean, that’s a good thing. And my husband does the same thing. He’s always told me, you need to talk to your mom, or he’s like, your mom orange like she doesn’t want to talk about spiritual, spirit. Spiritually. I guess I haven’t really set any specific goals, but I am a very spiritual person. I do like novenas, even though I’m not Catholic, I Protestant, but I do novenas when they come out, and I do pray for those that I love in my life and and that’s been a great habit, because

Justin Sisemore  39:28

you do that daily,

Mary Maloney  39:29

or I do that whenever the new novena comes up. Okay,

Justin Sisemore  39:34

so it’s a habit.

Mary Maloney  39:35

It’s an email thing, yeah, but it’s a habit, and it gives me the time to focus on people my life, that I that I want to pray for.

Justin Sisemore  39:42

Okay, so, and then let’s go to the health go to the health thing.

Mary Maloney  39:47

Well, I mean, I as, as perhaps we alluded to early in this podcast. I don’t know that that I am doing dry January, but that is just to kind of reset as well. Because. As things were crazy towards the end of the year, but, but health wise, I want to obviously not drink for the month of January, but have it just not be as frequent. Then also getting back on my regular workout schedule, like I said, three times a week,

Justin Sisemore  40:22

and you’ll set, you’ll set the time out on your calendar to do that right, and you won’t let me or Andrea disrupt your life.

Mary Maloney  40:29

Well, you know, yesterday I worked out later than I was planning, but I did okay, you know, I mean, I My car broke down. I had to run errands, and I’m like I said, I’m working out Tuesday after work

Justin Sisemore  40:42

and then business

Mary Maloney  40:43

and then business wise, I want to network with more people.

Justin Sisemore  40:49

How

Andrea Jones  40:49

Well, you put on the spot.

Mary Maloney  40:51

Maybe nobody really wants to hear this, but, but no, I think it’s, I think it’s important that, as a freelance writer, marketing person that I you know, continue building relationships with it, I mean, and meeting new people. Because most of my business, if not all of it, comes from referrals.

Justin Sisemore  41:12

So how will you make a list to do that?

Mary Maloney  41:14

How will I make a list to do that? In terms of

Justin Sisemore  41:17

like, what will be your action item that like, because I, what I love about this is that we are the people that are telling people that we’re going to do these buckets, and this is how hard it is. Well, this is how you go into a spin cycle.

Mary Maloney  41:30

It. It is, yeah, I mean, I kind of worked on a little exercise with this, but it’s like setting goals in terms of how many networking events I want to attend and how many new groups I want to join. So I I have a little kind of a rough list that I’ve made out in regard to that, and then I also have goals in regard to how many new clients I want to add to my roster of clients, because as a freelancer business comes and goes. So I would like to add two more regular clients to my roster of clients this year.

Justin Sisemore  42:10

So we just walked through four buckets on the fly. Nobody knows what the hell anybody’s going to say. And you see how hard it is to kind of get your brain to do it. And Mary just did it on the fly.

Mary Maloney  42:21

Well, I could have, could have, could have done a better job, but, you know,

Justin Sisemore  42:23

so I gotta take, I think we gotta, we gotta, we, you got to be that regimented. So let’s just make a commitment. Let’s, let’s, yeah, let’s do it.

Mary Maloney  42:31

So let’s all do that. Let’s take those four buckets. Let’s do it as challenge to people, put two or three things on that list that you’re going to do and commit to and schedule it, right?

Justin Sisemore  42:39

Love it. Okay, that’s right, perfect.

Mary Maloney  42:40

All right, very good. All right. So a couple other things that we want to talk about. We touched on setting goals that are attainable, that’s really important. The other thing, I think this ties back into marriage and marriage issues and things like that. You’re struggling on a marriage you don’t like, you’re getting like you get all those calls first part of the year because, because Christmas was horrible, was horrible, so people want to try to save their marriage. So there’s an issue in the marriage, so you need to set certain boundaries, consequences, and hold people to those consequences. So talk a little bit about that.

Justin Sisemore  43:15

Yeah, that’s I love that, because that’s how we actually came up with the new year, new me and spring cleaning. We did that yesterday on the phone, collectively. And it really does. I started to think about, how does a client get in a position where, you know, they go from I’m gonna get through the holidays to I’ve got through the holidays, and now, what do I do? So I want to break that down into three really, really simple things and thoughts that I think people go through, at least from what I hear. So when you are trying to survive the holidays with your spouse that New year, new me, just like a job, you think I’m just going to pull the rip cord and exit, and so I’m going to call a divorce attorney, and they’re going to fix my life without doing any assessment about whether maybe, was it, you was this, was this something that we can fix? Is this really a big ticket item, or did we just have a blow up about something, you know, that’s family related? Do?

Andrea Jones  44:11

Is it a season, right? I mean, season, it might not be the reason to really call it quits. Maybe it’s just a season.

Justin Sisemore  44:18

Yeah, and so I like to let’s bucket and box that one too. Let’s figure out if we can put some things in a box to where it’s not this person is an asshole, or this person’s crazy, or this person is never going to be loving or never going to be affectionate, because Christmas, they weren’t right. And so the calls I get from in January are usually, well, I didn’t do any of that stuff we just talked about, but I want out. I just, I’m not going to do this again. New year, new me without any assessment. My encouragement to anybody listening is, do not pull the rip cord without doing the assessment. The last thing you want to do is call us. The last thing it will make your entire. Prior next year, not very fun, most likely, because there’s nothing fun about divorce or litigation. So let’s do the assessment and figure out whether somebody will take the steps, and then you have to do what you just did right there, about or I say you they have to do what you know they need to do about accountability, meaning that if you set these, these parameters, if you drink, let’s say it’s a liquor thing. We keep going back to booze. But let’s say, let’s say somebody’s a prick when they drink a bunch of liquor, which is a lot of people, by the way, if you drink hard liquor, and you did what you did over Christmas, and you can’t drink hard liquor, period. And you know, you want to a glass of wine whatever, if you can make it all good, but you cannot do this. This is where the breakdown was. Or I have no idea what our finances are. I don’t know where our bank accounts are. I asked you the bank, and by this date, if I don’t have it, I don’t know where our stuff is. And if you drop dead or get hit by a bus, you have to hold the feet to the fire for that, because that’s them saying I’m not going to make effort. That’s really like a measurable thing, just like we talked about with, you know, my wife and sales and keeping your data points, that’s your data point and your success.

Mary Maloney  46:07

right? Yeah. I mean, certainly have that communication. It has to and honest communication, right?

Justin Sisemore  46:07

I think we talked about it so many times. The three big ticket items that cause issues in a relationship are addiction, adultery and finances. Those are the three big ticket items, and if you in your marriage are struggling with one of them, or all of them, I think it belong. In my opinion, it belongs in the family bucket. And then now you need to set some goals in that bucket that you want to do and again then and that that’s where it belongs. If finances, for example, are an issue, then you got what is my goal? I want to have clarity about my finances. And so we’re going to sit down at the table and we’re going to look at all of our credit cards and all of our accounts, and how can accounts, and how can we whatever, get out of debt or buy a house, whatever we want to plan, and then you plan it out, and if it doesn’t work, then what’s the consequence? Instead of just going to the consequence right away, because even if you’ve been married, whatever, 10 years and you had issues, if you want to change some in your life, you got to make a change. And so that means in that situation, I need to be more clear about what I need and what I want, and if I don’t get what I want and what I need then, but again, it has to be agreeable. It’s your personal boundary, but the two of you have to agree on certain things and study direct communication, like I’m working on that right now. Direct communication, we’ve gotten away from that as a society. You it doesn’t mean be mean. It doesn’t mean you have to be super blunt without compassion and empathy, but you do, you need to be direct. And the only way to really be the only way to really be direct, though, is to understand what it is that you’re focused on, and that’s why these bucket things. I know it sounds like we’re turning into robots, but really, we’re not. If we’re going to do spring cleaning and accountability, we need to  have those buckets, and we need to be direct about our communication. And I would encourage people to write it out, read it, delete half of it, maybe rewrite it, reread it, write it out on it. Sleep on it, and don’t just don’t go into your husband on day one. Well, we’ve, I’ve listened this podcast. We’re doing spring cleaning, and you need to do this. And all of a sudden your target of what you’re upset about is something totally different. And so if you’re in an argument, he’s going, what? Or she’s going, I don’t know, know why you’re upset about this thing, because you haven’t, you don’t even know. You’re just frustrated. And so let’s, let’s figure out why we’re frustrated there. So,

Andrea Jones  47:27

Honest, be honest. I mean, don’t, don’t hide back. Because I’m not saying this, because I’m afraid that he or she is going to be upset. You need to say what, what is on your mind, because otherwise you’re going to be the one end up upset. I have resent, resentment, I think, because you don’t get what you want. So I think you have to be honest with yourself what you really need, and then communicate that in a as nice as possible way.

Justin Sisemore  48:39

Yeah, make a list of 10 and shorten it at three too, yeah, because it’s really usually two or three, if we’re being real, yeah,

Mary Maloney  48:44

prioritize them for sure. And we actually just, we did a blog on that recently. The blog was how to rebuild trust and relationship. That kind of takes a deeper dive into those different boundaries, the consequences. And if people, you know it’s like, how long can you go on if, if people don’t want to, to help me out here, if they don’t want, if they don’t want to do better

Justin Sisemore  49:17

love yourself.

Mary Maloney  49:18

Yeah, yeah.

Justin Sisemore  49:19

Let’s start loving ourselves a little bit.  Yeah. I mean, really you do have, how much are you going to accept before you just you walk away? And of course, we want people to try to make it work if they can, but if the other partner is not willing to make those changes,

Mary Maloney  49:35

is it

Andrea Jones  49:36

and is it really the marriage? I mean, there’s so many other things, but like I said, Is it really dead bucket or so? I think once you start analyzing it, is it really that, or am I frustrated in my job and overworked in my job, and that then, now, now, now, trickles into my family, in my marriage? I mean, that’s that. That’s the self assessment we talked about. You got to be honest with yourself, as hard as it is, but you got to be honest with yourself. And is it really the the other person, or is it maybe me? I mean, that’s that’s why we said, do the self. Assessment and put it in categories.

Mary Maloney  50:03

All right, so I think that’s kind of a good place to wrap it up. Any final thoughts from you guys on this new year

Justin Sisemore  50:11

we’re gonna do this? Yeah, we’re gonna  Yep, effort and accountability beats talent any day.

Andrea Jones  50:12

one step at a time. One you can anything you want to achieve, you can do if you just one foot in front of the other one. You just realistic goals and steps to get there. Anything can be done, and don’t give up. You fall down, you stumble. You fall down, you brush yourself up, and you keep on going. I think that’s a mistake a lot of people make. I’m not going to get healthy within two weeks if I fail, if I have a drink, if I don’t go to the gym, if I have a bad conversation, okay, I had that, and now I’m going to still going to get up and move in the direction I want to move and not get derailed somewhere else.

Mary Maloney  50:34

Okay, sounds good. Well, if you want to get a hold of the Sisemore Law Frim that’s located in Fort Worth Texas, Justin Sisemore, here is the the owner of the firm. You can reach the firm at 817-336-4444, or you can visit www.lawyerdfw.com We also invite you to follow the podcast, take the challenge on with us and share it with friends who might find it helpful. Thanks so much for listening, and have a great day.