Table of contents:
- Why grandparents are important to grandchildren?
- What is grandparenting?
- What is the golden rule for grandparents?
- What is normal grandparent involvement?
- What boundaries should grandparents have?
- What are the positive effects of grandparents raising grandchildren?
- What are grandparents rights in Texas?
If you were blessed to have amazing grandparents in your life, you know you wouldn’t give up those memories for anything. Grandparents play a variety of roles in their grandchildren’s lives today, ranging from mentor, champion and nurturer to protector and legal custodian when parents are unable or unwilling to care for a child. However, when parents are actively involved, grandparents do need to be mindful of boundaries in order to keep family harmony intact
Why grandparents are important to grandchildren
Grandparents who choose to play an active role in their grandchildren’s lives have a huge opportunity to make a positive impact on those children. This is true both in situations where biological parents are involved, and alternatively, when grandparents need to step in and care for a child when their adult children are unable or unwilling to do so.
We’ll talk more about the responsibilities of grandparents who assume custody (temporarily or long-term) below, but let’s first consider the role of grandparents in “traditional” families. When I say “traditional” I’m referring to families where one or both biological parents are a child’s legal custodians or conservators.
In general, the legal parents make the rules and provide the financial and emotional support a child needs. While grandparents may kick in a few dollars from time to time or purchase that dope pair of sneakers mom and dad can’t afford, the additional knowledge, nurturing, caretaking and gift of time they provide grandchildren can provide innumerable benefits.
What is grandparenting?
The bond between grandparents and grandchildren is a beautiful thing. While a healthy parent-child relationship can provide the love and solid foundation children need to cope with challenging times and flourish as they grow, grandparents can reinforce both, while providing insight and added security to help shape a child’s sense of self, wellbeing and confidence.
In a traditional sense, grandparents can assume a variety of roles. The role of a grandparent may include any of the following (among others):
- Nurturer
- Teacher
- Family historian
- Moral compass
- Protector
- Playmate
- Caretaker
- Memory maker
What is the golden rule for grandparents? And what is normal grandparent involvement?
The golden rule for grandparents is to provide unconditional love and emotional support to their grandchildren, while not interfering with the rules and family dynamics established by the grandchild’s parents. Grandparents do not make the rules, their child and their child’s spouse/partner—the grandchild’s parents—do.
One of the most important things grandparents can do is to create memories with their grandchildren. Those who are actively involved with their grandchildren can also provide consistency and stability for those kids by showing up and being a reliable presence the grandchild can count on for love and support, and even discipline if it aligns with the parent’s disciplinary guidelines.
That’s not to say grandparents can’t have certain rules at their house, like taking shoes off when inside, being respectful to guests or helping with the dishes. Grandparents just need to keep their adult children’s rules in mind and help establish consistency in expectations for the children involved.
What boundaries should grandparents have?
Respecting boundaries is incredibly important when you are a grandparent. Your kids had to follow your rules when they lived in your household but they are adults now. That means they make the rules for their kids, and you need to try your hardest to be respectful of those rules.
When a new grandchild comes into the picture, it can be very helpful to have an open conversation about expectations and boundaries of the grandparents. Some grandparents can be very overbearing, and then on the contrary, some can be very uninvolved. It’s all about finding that sense of balance between the overbearing side and the non-involved side.
Another thing to keep in mind is that your child created your grandchild with another person who may have a completely different view on raising children than you do. Together with your child they have established their own set of rules and created a family dynamic that is all their own.
The last thing you want to do is create a wedge between your child and their spouse, or create doubt in their marital relationship. Grandparents need to understand that the healthiest thing for their grandchild is to live in a stable household with parents who stay married in a loving, respectful relationship.
Now, we all know that some marriages do fall apart and under some circumstances, especially when family violence occurs, it may be better for some couples to separate or divorce. But that’s not for you to say. As a “traditional” grandparent, you’re not living day-to-day with your grandchild’s family, so you may not be aware of all of the different nuances that exist in their specific marriage.
Your adult child knows firsthand what’s going on with his or her kids—at home, at school, with friends, in the community and so on. If you are a traditional grandparent, you do not. Plus, times truly are different today. Unless you believe your child or your grandchildren are in imminent danger, you need to respectfully abide by the rules established by the parents and mind your own business.
The vast majority of parents truly want their kids to have a good relationship with their grandparents. But if you are a grandparent who had a pretty rough relationship with your kids, tend to be overbearing and/or want to control how your adult child raises their kids, that can really create resentment.
In addition, if you have some financial control over your adult child, and make threats like, “If you do that, then we won’t give you money for this,” that thumb over the head approach can also create a lot of tension. If that tension builds, don’t be surprised if you get shut out of your grandchildren’s lives.
A note to uninvolved grandparents (who want the perks without being present)
As mentioned earlier, being a consistent and stable presence in your grandchildren’s lives can be very impactful. It’s all part of creating a secure environment for them to thrive in, along with the memory making that is so important for kids, both of which reaffirm a grandparents love for their grandchildren.
Kids are very sensitive to issues of consistency and schedules. When you don’t show up, you don’t call them and you don’t get them a birthday card, you can’t expect them to come visit you and be excited to be there. They don’t know what to expect from you. Even worse, when you don’t show up, it hurts your grandkids, and their parents are going to want to protect them from being hurt. And if you’re invited to attend your grandkids’ events, whether it’s a piano recital or a football game, and you consistently don’t show up, you also have no right to be upset if the other set of grandparents has a better relationship with your grandkids. It’s up to you to make things right.
What are the positive effects of grandparents raising grandchildren?
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, about 6.7 million or 3.3% of adults ages 30 and over lived with their grandchildren in 2021. In addition, roughly 32.7% of grandparents living with grandkids under 18 years of age were responsible for their care that same year. There’s no question, millions of grandparents are raising their grandchildren.
When grandparents who are responsible full time for grandchildren can provide a stable, loving home for their grandchildren the benefits are many. For one, the grandparents know the children and understand their challenges, fears and capabilities better than a stranger would. This knowledge helps the grandparent maintain a degree of consistency in the child’s life and better navigate potential difficulties that lie ahead.
Other grandchildren living with grandparents benefits include the ability to help the child keep ties with the family members, family history and culture they have grown accustomed to. Again, these are all factors tied to consistency, which can make a child feel more safe, secure and loved. Grandchildren who are raised by grandparents often realize long-term benefits from growing up in a stable, loving environment.
That’s not to say all grandparents are rockstars when it comes to raising their grandkids. Some don’t have the financial resources, demeanor or compassion to take on that role. But it’s a good option to consider when a child’s parents are unable or unwilling to raise their child.
What are grandparents rights in Texas?
We won’t take a deep dive into this topic here because we already provide a lot of information about grandparents rights in Texas on our website. However, this wouldn’t be an article about why grandparents are important to grandchildren if we didn’t hit the highlights of grandparent rights.
The first thing to know is that being a grandparent isn’t a right, it’s a privilege. The United States Supreme Court made this clear in its 2000 decision in the case of Troxel v. Granville. The Court’s Primary Holding was this: “There is a fundamental right under the Fourteenth Amendment for a parent to oversee the care, custody and control of a child.”
This ruling confirms the presumption of states like Texas, that biological parents act in the best interests of their children. Grandparents need to overcome that presumption—and it’s a BIG hurdle—to have standing to file for visitation or conservatorship of a grandchild. Generally, if the parents believe their child’s grandparents should have a set amount of (or no) visitation, and the grandparents feel that amount of time is inadequate, the courts tend to side with the parents.
At our Fort Worth law firm, we don’t see many grandparents being successful in a grandparent’s rights case unless there are extraordinary circumstances, like drug use, criminal history, domestic violence or a combination of all is occurring. If that’s the case, it’s important to speak with a family law attorney right away, because timing is critical in those cases, as the section on grandparent’s rights in the Texas Family Code makes clear.
Grandparents should also keep in mind that in the event the court agrees they can step in and assume custody or conservatorship of a grandchild, those rulings tend to be temporary. They are not meant to be a permanent solution.
It doesn’t matter how screwed up your adult child is and that you’re trying to protect your grandkids. Courts like to give parents the benefit of the doubt that they can change. The Texas Family Code presumes that a biological or adoptive parent will always act in the child’s best interest, so the burden to overcome that presumption must be significant impairment to the physical health or emotional wellbeing of the child.
Have questions about child custody or grandparents rights in Texas?
The importance of grandparents in a child’s life is clear, especially when grandparents want to play a positive role in their grandchildren’s lives. If you have questions about child custody in Texas involving a grandparent, the knowledgeable and compassionate family law attorneys at the Sisemore Law Firm are here to help.
To schedule a confidential consultation with a family lawyer at our firm, please contact our office at (817) 336-4444 or connect with us online.
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